I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
