we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
