Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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