so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Panties = found
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
