She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
