I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
