I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
