Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
