I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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