Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I pour the whiskey from now on
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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