Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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