You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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