I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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