I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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