i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
