Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
