I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
