i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
