You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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