I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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