Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She's the barista slut.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
