Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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