If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize