he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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