And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
