3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
