Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
