i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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