you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
