You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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