I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
