I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
