My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
