Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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