pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
