I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
