hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
