i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
