I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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