I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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