I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
