She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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