Tell her she can't have a vagina
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
