Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
