I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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