So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
