I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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