mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
