...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize