yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
