They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Still dying that you shit outside
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
