I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
