i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
