I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
