The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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