I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
