Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
