You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
