She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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