I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
