You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
