rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
