do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
