I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize