I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
