Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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