As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
