you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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