Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
