Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
