Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
