Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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