it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
