Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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