And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
