Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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