I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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