why didn't you poke me back
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
