don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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