Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
