So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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