I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im holly from the hills drunk
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
