So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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