I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
