Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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