the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
