she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
