He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
