So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
