If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
