Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
