Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
