I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
