Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
