We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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