There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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