why didn't you poke me back
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize