Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
operation have a gay friend backfired
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
