The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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