Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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