i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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