i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
