if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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