omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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