I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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