Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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