Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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