just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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