just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
