My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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