I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
