Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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